I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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