hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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