That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
