the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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