Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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