You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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