he shaved USA in his pubs
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
