Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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