I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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