Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
