well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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