OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
