HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
