i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
