Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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