You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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