Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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