So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
