I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
