i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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