You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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