I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize