my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
