Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
