I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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