i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
