I will die if light touches me.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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