I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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