Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
