just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
