you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
