The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
