I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.