Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My vagina just recognized that song.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
