failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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