Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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