I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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