Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
