Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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