Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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