i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
