if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
