I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
