How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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