I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
