Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
