You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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