Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
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Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize