forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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