they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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