Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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