so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
