ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
