What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
