Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
