when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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