you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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