Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
