remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize