When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Terrible idea I love it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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